Dream A Little Dream

The door is closing and my chest in tightening. Tears are beginning to fill my eyes as I see her walk away hand in hand with a woman I just met. This doesn’t feel right, and I want to run back in and scoop my baby up. But she isn’t a baby anymore, and the other Mothers are nonchalantly walking out the daycare doors to their cars, ready for their routine coffee run before heading to work. We are in the real world now. And this is what I wanted right? Right…

“Congratulations” I snap out of the memory that’s burned in my brain as I make eye contact again with the customer who just asked the question that seems so simple but is so complicated to answer. “So how did you come to start this business?”

There’s a short, and a long answer to this question. My usual response? “There was a need that had to be met.” or “I had to go back to work at some point, so I created something I loved to go back to.” Both are true, but neither capture the weight of the decisions made, the curve balls that were thrown, and the total life shift that had to happen for there now to be a Kids Kingdom Incorporated. So, to those who ask with genuine curiosity, or those who just miraculously have a few minutes to themselves while your children forget you are in the room, here is how we actually “came to start this business”:

I would be lying if I said I was never interested in being a business owner, but if you had asked me this time last year what I would be doing right now, I would have said wiping bums and fighting/losing a battle of laundry and dishes while keeping two toddlers alive. That’s not wrong, as I still have that job. Although its much different not doing it until 8:00pm. Having back-to-back babies for us meant a long stretch of being a stay-at-home mom. A role that I hold close to my heart. I was privileged to have that special time with my children. Having a front row seat to every milestone and nurturing a bond that I will forever cherish was such a blessing. But let’s be honest. While spending every waking (and oftentimes sleeping) moment with your children means you are never alone, ironically it can begin to feel quite lonely. I confided in my husband that I felt I didn’t have a purpose outside of motherhood. A feeling I have since learned is more common than not. The initial plan of staying home with them until they started kindergarten was revisited multiple times, but I couldn’t wrap my head around what it was I really wanted to do. I understand not everyone has the grace period I was given to figure that out. I am lucky that I had both the ability not to be forced into a job I disliked, and a spouse who genuinely loves his job and wants me to love mine. The aimless longing for socialization continues…

That is until a spark was lit just after our daughters third birthday. After friends of hers who struggle with sensory issues were unable to attend her party due to the venue being overstimulating, I began trying to think of a more accommodating place for the following year. Surely there had to be a place that accommodated families with children on the spectrum, who needed a separate area that wasn’t a broom closet to regulate themselves. Nothing was coming to mind. The digging began. What about children with physical limitations? The Easter Seals playground in St. John’s is wonderful. It’s filling a need, but this is Newfoundland. If you can get 3 weeks of summer to be able to use an outdoor facility without the rain hitting you sideways you are lucky. What indoor facilities were truly inclusive? My search was coming up empty and then came the rant. This long-winded complaint came at about 1 o’clock in the morning. But when else does a stay-at-home mom get the opportunity to have an uninterrupted thought? After pouring my heart out to a husband who was enjoying a rare sleep without little knees in his back, on the lack of inclusive options for children, his response is what flicked the switch in me and gave life to the dream. “You’ll just have to make it yourself.”

That sleep deprived comment was apparently all I needed to instill the delusion that I could be the advocate I was so desperately looking for, for a community I at the time knew little about. But do you really have to be an expert? Or do you just have to care enough to learn. So, where do I start?  What is it I want to offer, and what is it that needs to change? For starters I knew I wanted a place where children of all abilities could co-exist and play TOGETHER. The play equipment needed to be for everyone, and although there needs to be a separate, calming space, the playground itself needs to cater to every ability, every age, and every size. After testing the waters on a recreational facility to my mom tribe of hype women, I knew there needed to be an option for the children in the area. An indoor playground would work. Now I just had to find out if my vision of an inclusive one would. I am not a person who will ever pretend I know something I don’t. To make this happen, and to do it right I needed to learn a lot. I reached out to the mother of a friend dear to my heart. The person who made the soft spot inside me for children on the spectrum. Every person who grew up with me knows exactly who I am talking about, because she is the reason we all have a fire in us to advocate for those who move through life differently than we do. Her mother gave me the encouragement I needed and directed me to the people who could help me make it happen. I noticed my own children were now seeing me on the phone more than before, and the guilt seeped in. It broke my heart to be so disconnected to them, but the ball was rolling, and I had to keep the momentum.

While my husband started a search for real estate, I worked up the nerve to start shaking hands and asking hard questions. I felt sick about voicing my ideas to strangers. Was this even a safe thing to do? I found myself in an Autism Society office being told by Chris Dedde that not only was it safe, it was imperative! We spent an hour at that 10-minute meeting going down a rabbit hole of resources, and I left his office knowing this was not something I could back out of. I had found my purpose outside of motherhood, and it ironically revolved around everyone else’s children. With the connection to the Autism Society, for the endless questions I was to have at the ready, I now needed to find an expert on accommodating those with physical disabilities. This is where Camille came in. The knower of all things inclusive. An advocate that speaks from experience who had an instant passion for seeing Kids Kingdom come to fruition. Her knowledge was invaluable. Between her and the Roberts family, who literally lent us a wheelchair to make sure our playhouse measurements were accessible, we really did learn from the best. My summer consisted of viewing buildings, sending emails, making phone calls, and learning rules and regulations I didn’t know existed. All the while realizing my time at home with my own children was getting short. After hitting some roadblocks in the real estate world, we finally found the place for us. It was time to turn 4 Blackmore Ave into a playground. A big take on considering it was a garage. Oh, the plaster we went through. The town began buzzing with chatter on what this young couple were starting up. A daycare, a pool, a Starbucks, yet another Pizza place? One step at a time guys!

Our new home away from home

The place was coming together, the dream was coming true, my heart was tearing apart. Why would I be so torn about a business that not only would benefit my family, but the substantial number of families in our area? Because to create a space for your children, I had to delegate the care of my own. Every stress of becoming a business owner was a drop in the bucket to the emotional turmoil of letting go of a life at home with my babies. Every moment of their lives up until then I was witness to. Not knowing every detail of their day, I thought would surely drive me insane. The number of tears I shed in the Daycare parking lot was alarming. On the third day of drop off I mustered up the courage to actually put the car in reverse and drive away from the building. We, along with many helping hands, worked tirelessly to make Kids Kingdom a reality. We spent Christmas putting together the structure piece by piece, hoping and praying the public would appreciate and support what we put so much effort into. I couldn’t be happier to say that every child’s face has lit up the second our doors open. Seeing them make friends, face fears, and feel at home with us has made this year worth it.

Cutting the ribbon on opening day

I struggled for a long time on whether this would truly be the right decision for our children. They are the centre of our world and starting a business really is like having a third baby. After getting to know our childcare providers and seeing how they both have flourished since being with them it has become easier. There are days I miss them beyond measure, but it’s nice to be able to grab them early and bring them to work. After all, they rarely complain about coming to the office with mom seeing that office is an indoor playground. They have made so many friends here, and it's important for them to have a mother with goals and aspirations of her own. I was so concerned about them growing up having the busy mom. I didn’t want them to see me like that. I’ve since realized that although they may see a busy mom, they will also see an ambitious one. A mom who followed her dreams.